The thing about bareback

So I think it's time to address the big ol' elephant in the room once and for all: the whole thing about bareback. It's an issue that's been plaguing the gay community ever since the outbreak of AIDS back in the '80s and it always gets people fired up, both emotionally and sexually. Obviously, if you've seen any of my XTube videos, you know that I'm into bareback sex. I know that I'm going to get raked over the coals for this, but personally I think it's sex in its most natural and spiritual form. It's connection between two people that literally has no barriers. In many ways, it's a metaphor for stripping away the walls that we build between us emotionally. When you let someone enter you (or you enter them) in such an intimate way, it begs for an intellectual connection that mirrors the physical one. It's actually quite funny to me that many think of bareback as "nasty," when actually, it's anything but. It's quite simply sex the way it was meant to be experienced: raw, unbridled, messy, amazing. I fucking love it.

A lot of people don't agree with me. I got into a debate with this guy the other day about whether or not my videos promote the spread of HIV. As I am not HIV positive, and nobody has ever been infected with anything during the making of any of my videos, then my opinion is that there is no way the videos are promoting the spread of anything. Of course, I acknowledge that the videos eroticize behavior that is potentially dangerous to one's sexual health, and for that, I take ownership, but if my videos send any kind of a message, it is one of personal choice. I've been having unprotected sex on and off since I was 18 years old, and in that time, I've only contracted gonorrhea three times. That's not such a bad track record. Of course, it could have been HIV, but it wasn't, and just as smokers accept the risks that come along with smoking cigarettes, I accept the risks that come along with having unprotected sex. I think it's funny how nobody ever gets up on their soap boxes to say to their smoking friends, "Do you realize that you are promoting the spread of cancer by smoking those?" But because there is so much judgment surrounding sex in this country, bareback sex becomes demonized and stigmatized as something "wrong" or "unethical." It's so very hypocritical. Sex is amazing in and of itself; there is no "bad" sex, only our personal interpretations of the sex we have. We make sex bad, but sex itself has no moral makeup.

A lot of people say things like, "But what about the 16-year-old in Ohio who sees your video on XTube and then thinks they can go out and have bareback sex?" And my response is, "What about them?" First of all, why are 16-year-olds watching porn in the first place? Second, haven't we already had this debate regarding mainstream entertainment, and haven't we already decided that musicians and filmmakers are not responsible for the things people do after listening to their music or watching their movies? Of course I care that people are still being infected with HIV, but when it all boils down to it, we are all responsible for the choices we make in life, and it is not my job to educate and police the sexual behavior of anyone but myself. Yes, I stand for sexual health, but I believe that the way I live my life is actually very responsible and healthy. I think the main reason that HIV is still such an issue in the community is that we've been going about it all wrong, teaching "safe sex only" over informed choice. Instead of telling people what NOT to do, I would much rather lead by example. I live my life the way that I want to live it, and I am fully aware of and responsible for every choice that I make, and I think that is the cornerstone of living a happy, healthy life. I have no one but myself to blame if I get HIV. Obviously I don't intend on getting it, and I've read enough about how the virus is spread to know what I can and can't get away with. If you are conscious and aware when you are having unprotected sex (as opposed to fucked up on alcohol and drugs, like most people who do it), you can actually have responsible unprotected sex. It's a matter of reading up on HIV and STDs, as well as asking questions and being honest with people. Yes, some people are liars, and yes, some people may not know they have an STD, but thre's a lot that can be accomplished by asking simple questions and paying attention to their answers (and their body language when giving those answers).

To clarify, I am in no way telling people to go out and have unsafe sex. I'm telling people, "Make up your own mind about what turns you on and what you are comfortable participating in sexually." But be informed about it. If I stand for anything, it's that we should all discard everything we've been told about sex from the church, from our families, from society, from each other. And just start over from scratch. Give yourself the permission to be who you want to be and take part in the things that you want to take part in. Let go of shame, fear, resentment, guilt and judgment, and fucking get out there and LIVE. YOUR. LIFE. We only get one, and I'll be damned if I'm going to waste mine away being overly cautious about anything. Life is about taking risks. I'm experiencing my life fully and happily, and sometimes it just makes me so giddy that I am overwhelmed with joy. Sex is part of that joy for me. Having "nasty," "dirty" sex isn't something I do because I feel "nasty" or "dirty" inside. To me, it's a way of liberating myself from such things as shame and guilt and actually celebrating what makes me happy. I am a playful, desirable, liberated man, and I LOVE my sex life. And regardless of what choices other people make regarding their sex lives, I don't think there's anything more healthy than spreading that kind of an attitude.